Cognitive Complexities Suck

bye bye tumblr bye bye followers

i got into tumblr because i like blogging about my feelings cause i’m not right in the head..i’ve never had any experience with talking about my emotions,there wasn’t anybody who actually had the time nor the interest to listen to me..so tumblr was my savior…

i don’t care about followers,right now i only have twenty one..what matters to me is that i can express myself here..

when i followed vivien erica matus beduya,that was because she is an intelligent girl who talks about interesting stuff.but admittedly,being my boyfriend’s ex,i followed her because i was also curious about whether she really has moved on and what’s up with her life..

but then we became friends and started reblogging each other’s  posts and talking about our lives,while steering clear of the topic that is jaimey.i didn’t mind..i had a friend who didn’t love my boyfriend and gave good advice..but then she posts about how sad she is,and posts stuff that,though they may not be for jaimey,i fell are directed to him.and it bothered me,but i ignored them because she doesn’t love him anymore..

despite her claims of not loving him,insecurities,fears,and tension,like it or not,still emerge in me..and as much as i really wanna blog about it,i can’t cause i fear it might hurt her or jeopardize our friendship when,maybe, nothing was there to fear in the first place.so i didn’t have the luxury of expressing my thoughts,my real feelings..but i ignored it cause it was just a minor setback..

it was starting to annoy me that i was into tumblr when my boyfriend started reading her blog.hers,not mine..but i ignored that too..

then my boyfriend gets mad at me cause his ex and i talk here.he finds it awkward,he says..i’m still trying to wrap my head around that concept because i can’t understand why because viv and i don’t talk about him..but,he finds it awkward so i shall respect that and not try to understand it cause i can’t..

so like,surprise..he makes his own tumblr..it was cool..esp cause his first post was for me and it was absolutely sweet..but then viv follows him and he follows her back and they start doing what viv and i do..if he finds what viv and i do awkward for him,i cannot understand that because viv and i didn’t have any intimate rel. and it’s not like we talk about him.but when they do it,i can’t get mad?well ok,not really can’t.i am but i’m not showing it..why?oh i don’t know..he might think it’s unfair?

but it’s different with the both of them because they used to be together..there was a time in our relationship that he left me for her..is it unreasonable for me to get mad because they are talking?

answer it pls…but whatever your answers are,the fact of the matter is:i’m done with tumblr,i’m done with all this..the two of you can continue talking for all i care*ok i do care but this is me being bitter*..

i’ve been keeping it to myself for quite a while now but i don’t wanna anymore..whatever..to my followers,thanks for all the bits and pieces of knowledge i got from you..maybe i’ll come back..maybe..

:)